You don’t need to work on yourself. Let me tell you a story:
I was sitting there alone again, I have always been alone. At some point you can’t even describe or measure the pain anymore. Sometimes you can’t measure the shame. Sometimes the guilt. Sometimes it’s hopelessness. And then when it’s too much you want to accept it finally and just live in peace ..with the pain. Not fighting it. You have to find a way to live with it. But it never works. The acceptance I mean.
Then, because you can’t accept it - if you are curious enough or “if you love yourself enough”, they say - you want to talk to a professional, a therapist for example, you want to “help yourself”, you want to improve yourself. Like you are a sink in the kitchen.
And it doesn’t work again - this self improvement work. Of course it doesn’t. Why - it’s a whole different topic. Let’s get back to the story.
Now you want to talk to a friend. But there is no one. Or if there is someone they are too happy or too busy to dive into your needs. Because other people are either happy and don’t need you or worse - they are also in pain - in which case they don’t have capacity for you. Some of them will try to help you - by fixing you. And then you are ashamed that you didn’t manage to fix.
And then it hit me. I don’t need to do anything. I want to give to other people.